Call me crazy, I know. I love him. 3 years is a long time to have someone in your life. I keep dreaming of the multiplying though. No one makes me feel the way he does. I’ve messed up though. I’ve sat here and let something amazing maybe go out of reach. I wonder daily will it work. I sit up at night crying at the thought of losing him. Do I press on and keep the hope? Do I give up and hope that someone else comes along. Everyone says to move on look past it. They don’t know how it feels. I’ve moved on before, but it wasn’t this. I feel a connection to him. One that can’t be broken. Call me a child not knowing of love. I’ll let you have your opinion; although, it doesn’t make your opinion correct. You look at our past and say its not worth it. To me its worth the world. I’ll cry as many times as I have to if it means at the end of the day he’s mine. I don’t want something else. I don’t want the idea of knowing there is someone out there. How do you look for someone you’ve lost? I don’t want to settle for something that’s not in my heart. He’s taken the key and even if he decides not to use it, I’ll still stand at the edge of the sea hoping. Waiting with my arms wrapped around my legs, sitting in the sand. Hoping that the magic bottle with the paper with three words floats up. How long will I wait? Will you stand beside me as a friend and stick with me? Will you leave and say it’s not worth it? You choose what you decide, but I am going to sit here and wait until the tide takes me away. I love him. Simply put. There is no other words that can describe what’s on my mind.
so ready leaving soon cfield here i come
to the nights outside with people I love. :) thanks for being here you make me smile.
My blog is labeled inside her mind, but honestly I don’t think anyone wants to be there. Lately I’m lost in it all by myself. When I think everything is going good and I’m smiling something terrible happens and my life is turned around all over again. It’s a constant battle to keep my head straight. Lately, I don’t even know Who I am. I here what everyone tells me but they don’t know either. Some say I’m an A**hole, others say I’m a good person. Some hate me others love me, and then there are those who lie to my face. So who am I? I don’t know but for the next few weeks and this summer I’m going on a journey with God to figure that out. I’m going to turn this mess around and show people it can be done. Please don’t try to tell me how to do this, I appreciate the care but this is something that I need to do alone. Me and God are the only two who can make all this make since in my head. I’ve gotta get my head quiet. Free of drama, boys, school, parents, and any and everything that has been confusing me. If you are worried about my health for awhile don’t be. I’ll make it I always do but alot is about to change. Be Prepared.
To end my rant. He called and I had the conversation I needed. Hearing his voice calms it all. Sometimes I over think things and make myself angry.
Okay so I know that no one may care about my useless rant but it makes me feel better because right now I could punch a kitten in the face and be alright with it for a little. Okay, so maybe not a kitten. But boys are confusing sometimes they talk and sometimes they don’t and honestly I just want an answer a yes or no answer. Not some riddle about how maybe one day if its something else you want get something else but don’t leave me here waiting on your every word because I know what I want. If I don’t get it fine but keeping me on your leash and waiting for you to figure it all out isn’t going to work. Eventually I’ll get tired and run away. So decide soon because I’m not sure i’ll keep the waiting up for long.